I have nothing, will you marry me?

‘It is a wise when you do not take a risk to put people in difficulty’

I was once asked by my boyfriend — no it’s definitely not my boyfriend but a friend of mine and he is a guy. And the question is something like ‘do you wanna marry a guy who has nothing’ — well, a guy who has nothing means a man who is not financially enough to build a new family. I simply said ‘no’. Then he explained to me that man and women would be a happy couple if they can start to live together from the beginning, from zero.

So, many questions like ‘do you wanna marry a guy and start to live together with him from zero?’ are asked for women. And commonly, they’re probably gonna answer like ‘sorry it’s not I’m materialistic but just being realistic, so no’.

I’m not judging. But many people seem interpreting the answer of such question would be an indicator if a woman is materialistic. Well, but I’m not talking about being materialistic or realistic. I will not judge here. I’m just being wondering why such question is mostly asked for women than men. Meanwhile, I don’t think men would simply say yes for the question. Let’s break it up!

First and foremost, generally, in Indonesian culture, when man and woman are getting married, their parents will no longer support them financially. Secondly, when a number of people live together, there must be always a leader. In this case, because the world citizen is mostly patriarchy, men will be the leader for his family after married as a husband and also as a father. It means he would take a responsibility to ensure the welfare of the member life (nevertheless, it is not entirely his responsibility). Speak of reality, economy is one of the reasons of the existing number of divorce happened in Indonesia.

With those reasons, when men and women are not financially enough to build a new family (a.k.a getting married), both are probably saying no for the question, not because they are materialistic but just as simply as they are not financially ready.

So I think a wise person (man or woman) would not take a risk to put others in difficulties.

Still, I am not generalizing and I am not trying to change your mind when you are willing to getting married.